This topic could be very trivial to some moms. I know some parents do not believe in physical discipline. But after attending parenting seminars, I am convinced that discipline help train up a child.
When my son started showing tantrums, I had to assess if I should start giving him the spank or not. Many times when he was 11 to 12 months I would tell him “no” to certain things (such as not placing his hand on the electric fan). I had to make him understand that there could be situations that he could get hurt. But his explorative stage made it a little confusing. So, I had to stand firm when I say “no” and remained consistent with it. It was repeated to him over and over, so he began to understand.
Joshua had limited words as a one year old. I feel that he would get frustrated because I don’t understand what he is expressing to me and he would have some angry fits. Initially, I did not know what to do when my little boy would get angry. I would try to calmly talk to him, but that did not work. Soon, his anger would now include him throwing things on the floor or at me. I would talk to him in my angry voice and say “no! Stop throwing”. Oh that worked for maybe 6 times only. Soon, it did not bother him that I raised my voice. He would throw things on the floor, and look at me. I would say “no!” again. He would get another book or toy and throw it and look at me with his little angry eyes. You may think I am exaggerating. I am not. I could not believe that my little angel would have that kind of angry fit at that age. After letting it go for about 1 week, I decided not to delay discipline any longer. If I do not bring this to Joshua’s attention, he will try to overpower me with his tantrums.
So, I learned from parenting class that discipline should be for 2 reasons only. It is for DISOBEDIENCE and DISRESPECT. With Joshua, it was his disobedience on my instructions of not throwing things when he was told. That first time I spanked him it was a epic failure. He got his tantrum because he did not get the toy he wanted to play with. He was angry and started throwing things even when I told him not to. Then I decided to call him and told him, “Come here, I am going to spank you.” I then panicked because I had no object to spank him with. I have no heart to use my hands. I learned that our hands are used for loving and embraces so I needed another object to spank/discipline him with. Guess what I found?… a Lei with a button pin that says “Philippine Councilors League”. (Yes you can laugh at me now!) I made my little Josh bend over and I took a swing with that lei on his butt. However, I forgot he had diapers on. So it hit only his diapers! Talk about a capital “F” for failure! Hahahaha!!
So, the very next day, another incident made my son start throwing things in his anger. After I warned him and said “no”, he again continued to throw things at me. This time, I told him, ” Come here, I am going to spank you”. I had the lei with the button pin ready and put down his diaper and gave that swing on his buttocks. Joshua cried and looked at me, and ran towards me in tears. I hugged him and I kissed him, and I told him “Joshua mommy loves you, so please no more throwing. If you continue to throw, I will spank.”
Joshua learned after 2 more spanks that I was serious about the no throwing of things when he was upset. Don’t get me wrong, I allow my son to feel angry or frustrated. I am just not allowing him to throw things at me when he is upset. After teaching him that, I only have to say, “Mommy will spank”. He automatically changes his mind about throwing that toy or book. I also can just pull out that Lei and ask him, “you want spank?”. Then, he would walk away from that item he intended to throw at me.
I had to also ask my other mommy blogger friends how old they started disciplining their kids. The result of the survey is as early as one year old! Even one year olds, can challenge their parents on how far they can get their way. If discipline is not applied, we would be raising spoiled and whiny kids. We had a great discussion on the reasons and styles of discipline. I honestly felt like I had a support group that agreed with this method.
Just last night, Joshua was whining and he was again tempted to throw his book at me. I whispered in his ear, “Please do not throw. If you throw, mommy will spank”. He became quiet, looked at me, and with laughter he turns to embrace me. My 1 year and 4 months old understands discipline! Here are some encouraging verses from the bible about discipline.
Proverbs 13:24 (CEB)
Those who withhold the rod hate their children, but the one who loves them applies discipline.
Hebrews 12:11 (CEB)
No discipline is fun while it lasts, but it seems painful at the time. Later, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness for those who have been trained by it.
4 thoughts on “Age of Discipline”
Hi Mitch, please check this link an additional material on your child rearing 🙂 http://www.chapellibrary.org/files/7613/7643/2890/bparfg.pdf
Thanks Roland! I was also told that if the spank does not have a sound, or does not hurt, it may not be effective.
Research definitely shows that spankings work in the short term to make your child NOT DO something. But research also shows it’s not great for long-term and learning what TO DO. Another option, instead of saying “don’t throw” is “put the book down. Books are not for throwing.” Then if he throws it, calmly pick him up and remove him from his toys. Don’t let him go back to toys till he’s ready to play well. http://bellevuetoddlers.wordpress.com/2014/02/04/discipline/
Thank you for your insight. You are right… Spanking is for the short term and for younger children. Other discipline styles will develop depending the age and understanding. But once the lesson is learned there is no need to spank at all.