Its 6 am now and I have not slept since my husband woke me up at 1:30am. He tells me it’s time to bring Joshua to the hospital. Immediately, I stood up and left my 2 month infant on the bed and went straight to see Joshua to find out what’s wrong.
Joshua was crying and falling into a frustrated tone. He was in outrage and screaming. I asked what happened and I was told that he stood up to pee and then going back to bed he started a meltdown. His crying and body movements looked like either he was in pain or he was totally upset.
I took my 2-year-old into my arms and asked what was wrong. He was beyond the point of no return. He screamed and cried and I did not know what to do… About 2 days ago we confirmed that my Manong Joshua has tonsillitis and this caused his body to burn up. So the routine of paracetamol and antibiotics are in play. Together with that is the constant negotiation to drink his medicines and the crying about how painful his throat is. There is no one better to soothe this boy except Mommy. I had to be in his line of sight otherwise he would start crying.
As I held my son who was going thru a tantrum, I started to pray. I asked God to help me. Nothing I was doing was pacifying Joshua and I was tired and totally clueless on what next to say or do. I asked God to give me strength and to fill Josh with His Spirit because the 20 minutes that passed felt like forever! I carried my 2-year-old like an infant and swinging him left to right. Finally he fell asleep.
I had to arrange the bed so that baby Anna, Manong Joshua, and myself would fit. And just as I turned my son down on the bed, Anna my 2 month old infant started to cry. I had to breastfeed her back to sleep. As Anna finished, my son wakes again and cries. So from my right I turn to my left! (so this is what it feels like to have twins!)
After sometime of rocking Josh, he finally fell asleep. Ahhhh… I thought I could get some sleep. Unfortunately Anna was moving and signaling for a feed again. So I swing from left to right and tried to do side feeding. We laid there and finally she was sleeping and I started to drowse myself. It was not even 30 minutes I heard a strong sound on the floor. It was Joshua who rolled off the bed and took a foot and half dive for the floor. I heard him start to cry, so I stood up and immediately picked up my son. Good thing in my embrace he quickly calmed down and went back to sleep. But I had to get the little one again to comfort her from the commotion. I was positioned with my right arm holding Joshua and Anna on my left arm and breastfeeding.
Just right at that moment in an uncomfortable position with both arms embracing my children I started to think… “Wow, only mothers are stretched this way”. Half of my thoughts were in limbo– asking myself ” how do I manage this?” The other half were in thanksgiving that I have both my children in my arms, and that I am available to comfort them.
Being a mother in moments like these is sooo tiring!!! It raises anxiety and makes a mommy sweat buckets even to a point of tears. Then I began to think of all the friends who had children with close gaps what they also had to go through. Motherhood is a tough job! So, with all respect to mothers around the world, I have to say… we are built special by God. No one should ever say, “she is just a mom, what does she know?”
I look at the clock now, and it is 8 am. I have been awake for 6 and a half hours… and I do want to take a short nap so I can reenergize. Thank God for nannies who will assist me while I sleep. I pray for my children and for a better day. Everytime I look at my other mommy friends, there is a deep understanding and appreciation (even when not spoken) of what they do… Many of them remind me that this is just for a moment and these difficult moments shall pass… For now, it is Only Mommy that matters to my children. So I must be thankful for what it is now… because this won’t be forever.
Oh and yes, I am greeting all women… “Happy Women’s Month!”