Just like Hannah

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“I want to have grand kids, so double time!” that was part of the speech of my father-in-law during our wedding years ago. It was everyone’s well wish and expectation for us to conceive and have “mini-me’s” running around. But it was not an easy journey for us.

After a year of marriage and not conceiving, I visited the OB-GYNE to find out what can be done for me to get pregnant. My ultrasound would show I have polycystic ovaries. The doctor said that the cyst was small and it should not bother us. The only solution also to this syndrome is to just get pregnant. It seemed like an easy solution, but it was far from easy for us.

I remained very hopeful. My husband and I prayed, fasted, believed that we would get pregnant. Different options were given to us, pills, exercise, following a menstrual cycle for days of contact… however the months became years and I began losing faith.

I admit that I was getting disappointed with God. I would cry every time my period would come. It pierced my heart when people would ask why we were not getting pregnant and received their suggestions on what we should do. There was a year that everyone around me was getting pregnant (even my own dog!)… but I remained barren. It came to a point that I needed to blame someone why I was not conceiving… I started to blame my husband because at that time he was not open to get himself checked. I wondered why God was not granting our request… I was getting bitter towards God that I’d say “I don’t care if I don’t get pregnant”. Truthfully that was the total opposite. I did care.

God never gave up on me though. God was working on me, stretching my faith muscles. Through His Word He reminded me of Hannah. For years she was barren and mocked for being childless. She too cried to God. Her account is found in the book of 1 Samuel 1.
v 10 “Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord.”

But after Hannah cried to the Lord, she left this concern in faith, not in doubt or bitterness. After Eli (the priest) saw her in the temple crying he pronounced a blessing to her and she left no longer depressed.
v 18 “Then she went back and began to eat again, and she was no longer sad”
The bible accounts that “the Lord remembered her plea”; v 20 “and in due time she gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, for she said, “I asked the Lord for him.”

I had to learn to trust God’s plan and timing for everything and for everyone. I was becoming impatient and seeding doubt. Thank God for friends who never stopped praying for us, and that encouraged me to believe.

In 2010, my twin sister gave birth to her 3rd child, Jonathan David (JD). I was with her at the labor room, and I had the privilege to see her baby right after delivery. I held her little one in my arms, and began feeling hopeful again of God’s promise to me and my husband. The week after, I took a step of faith of seeing a specialist that would assess our situation. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis. The week after, I was wheeled in the operating room for a laparoscopic procedure to remove the adhesions and polyps in my uterus and the cysts on my ovaries.

I was a Stage IV Endometriosis patient. In short, infertile. But that did not stop me to believe that God can open my womb. My husband began to follow the footsteps of Isaac who prayed for his wife. Genesis 25:21 “Isaac pleaded with the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was unable to have children. The Lord answered Isaac’s prayer, and Rebekah became pregnant with twins.”

Okay, we did not have twins. But three months after the procedure we were pregnant! I cried for joy for the Lord remembered me. However, on our 5th week check up, the doctor could not find the sac. My blood (hcg) test says I am definitely pregnant, the pregnancy test shows 2 lines. But there was no sac.

We started to pray, and I believed God will show us a miracle that the next test we will see the baby in the uterus. We flew to Manila to have myself checked there… The findings — possible ectopic pregnancy.

The doctor explained to me that I had to undergo another operation again. She also told me straight that I can lose one of my fallopian tubes if the baby implanted in it. I was crushed and my husband was too. Both of us were crying the night before getting confined in the hospital. I was grieving to lose this child. That night I could not sleep, I kept talking to God. “Lord, please tell my child how much I want to be his/her mom.” I was talking to my baby and telling my baby “I love you, you made me excited to be a mom. I already miss you even if we have never met. You must know I want to have you so much.”

Joy Mendoza, my close friend and discipler called and cried with me… She said, “I am so sorry Mit. How are you feeling?” In my heart, I was not angry at God. I told her, “I know this is God’s will. The mere fact he made me pregnant is already a miracle. I am not disappointed with Him.” I worried about losing my fallopian tube, but the doctor assured me that I can still get pregnant with just one tube.

That day in June 2011, I had another operation to remove the fetus before it raptures my fallopian tube.

After the procedure, when I opened my eyes in the recovery room, my husband told me this “Guess what… the baby was found in the abdomen, it implanted and found blood supply there. But the sac could not sustain so it was ready to be removed. So, they did not cut your fallopian tube. Your reproductive organs are all intact.”

When I heard that I had peace. I thanked God for being so gracious, and for giving us a child that was so considerate to give way for another baby in the future by implanting in the abdomen rather than in the tube.

Like Hannah, I cried and grieved before the Lord, but God gave me extra grace and an increased faith. I had more confidence than before that I would conceive in God’s perfect time. Then, I moved on everyday believing that I would receive. In fact, there was no pain in my heart about the loss. I felt God’s presence and firm love for me and my future.

And true to God’s promise… I conceived again in April 2012. This is now our precious baby Joshua. God is indeed faithful, His love never fails. This is why I claim these verses as my life statements: “Everything is possible to him who believes” (Mark 9:23) and “For nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37)

Pregnant by faith

Pregnant by faith

Red, Black, and White

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When I was younger, I loved Arts and Crafts. I liked to paint, use pastel colors, and imagine art work. But as you get older, you usually don’t work on those projects anymore, and you certainly get rusty. In fact, it kindda blinds your artistic eyes.

When I was preparing the baby room, it was my friend Amanda, who asked if I had made a crib mobile (hanging moving toys) for Joshua. I told her, “no”. It was because I was too lazy to make those hanging toys and it would again require for me to work with my hands and conceptualize what to make. Newborns are fascinated with red, black, and white colors since their eyesight are still developing. Amanda, suggested that I try making a mobile with those colors. What I did instead was buy a mobile with colors that were dominant on red, white and black. Like I said, I was too lazy make one, so I bought.

Just a week ago, another girlfriend of mine, Jill, came to see me and I showed her the baby room. She told me again that Joshua’s brain stimulation is increased if I put red, black, and white designs on the ceiling. She told me, it is easy because all I needed to do was buy cartolina paper and cut out designs and stick it on the ceiling. She was the second person who insisted I get into the red, black and white brain stimulation thingy.

This time around, I did not have an excuse… I now need to get my hands dirty and work on something artistic. So, I went to National Bookstore and bought the cartolina paper, paste, and double sided tape. When I got home I looked at the ceiling, and boy did the ceiling above his crib suddenly feel so long and wide. I felt overwhelmed with the project.

I began cutting circles, triangles, squares, rectangles. It was an exercise that was unlocking my childhood artistic eyes. Once you start, you can really get glued to it. The most difficult part was sticking the design on the ceiling. It made me wonder the geniuses of Michaelangelo and his counterparts when they were painting ceilings. I was getting disoriented a lot when I was putting the design on the ceiling.

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Finally, I stuck the design up on the ceiling. Its not perfect, alright… but it is worth the shot. The most priceless scene I enjoy is seeing my little one staring interestingly on the artwork I have made. This makes me feel like an accomplished mommy artist. That is what matters most to me now… I can now say that it is true that mothers would go out of their comfort zone and do things that are good for their babe.
The stimulating ceiling

Personal Picks – Medela Freestyle Breast Pump

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It’s my first Friday in this blog. I will try to make every Friday a Personal Pick Friday… Weekly, I intend to blog about products and services that can be useful for baby and mommy. Its my personal review of a product or service we have used and inform readers how they fare.

Today, I want to share with you a really good investment. For those breastfeeding, you will need to invest on a breast pump. I know there are many brands out there and comes either automated or manual styles. Before I invested, I asked my other mommy friends what they use. Many of my friends prefer the Medela brand. So, I went on to research on Medela and how to purchase it. Medela has many kinds of automated breast pumps. They have Medela Swing, Medela Pump in Style, and Medela Freestyle.20130208_071113

My twin sister, who is a certified Lactation Peer Counselor uses Medela freestyle. Since she recommended it, I followed suit in researching this model. The great thing with the freestyle is it is a double pump (you can pump both breasts at the same time). Its main machine is small and handy and can fit in the palm of one hand. It also has a belt clip where you can attach this machine on your waist. Like its name, freestyle, you can really walk around and do other chores while pumping. Its kindda cool!

The reasons why you pump is to express milk so moms don’t get engorged, and to store milk for your baby’s mealtime in case you are away during feeding time. It also helps in tricking your body to produce more milk. Because your body is designed to produce milk the more it is stimulated by either your baby’s sucking or thru pumping.

I bought my Medela freestyle on Amazon. If you have friends or relatives who can bring this pump for you from the US, then buy it on amazon because it is cheaper. Now like i said this is an investment but it is worth the investment because this product can last you years even to the next child.

I bought on Amazon and it costs US$341 or less than P15,000 for the Medela Freestyle Breast pump package. It includes the following: A bag with the Medela Freestyle pump and its accessories, rechargeable ion batteries and charger, 2 Breast shields, 2 bottles, Ice pack with bag. If you buy it locally, it can be around P19,000 to P30,000. It seems pricey but I look at it this way:

Breast milk + Medela Freestyle cost per month:
P15,000/ 6 months of breast feeding = P2,500/month
P15,000/ 12 months of breast feeding = P1,250/month
P15,000/ 24 months of breast feeding = P625/month

If you go formula – you can use one can of milk at P900 in one week. That means your average monthly spend on formula is about P3,600/month. The breast pump and mother’s milk will still come out cheaper especially if you do it longer. Plus, breast milk is more nutritious for our babes.

Medela House in Manila can also tune up your breast pump if you buy your Medela breast pump from them. I have friends who have used their Medela breast pumps until their 3rd child. Which is why it is a good thing to buy and keep. 🙂

Feeding the BEST

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I’ve heard it, you have heard it… Humans are probably the only specie that would offer their babies another specie’s milk. That is probably not true for all humans, but that line was the introduction of the Lactation Consultant during our breastfeeding class.  I asked my twin sister to accompany me to a breastfeeding class to help me prepare for my baby.  It was a real eye-opener and these are some of the truths I learned from the class about Breastfeeding:

1. It is complete.  Did you know that breast milk is a complete super food? You don’t need to supplement because it is sufficient with nutrients and vitamins that our little one needs.  It’s like manna from heaven, the perfect health food for babies.

2. It immunizes. A child that breastfeed for 6 months and drinks breast milk up to 2 years old have immunization from many diseases up to 12 years of age.  Even the COLOSTRUM which appears 3-5 days before the milk is a special super antibody provided specially for the baby. All this is produced by the body naturally.

3. It is good for the tummy. No constipation for newborns that feed on breast milk. It easily digests and is safer for the baby’s stomach. Constipation usually happens with formula.  Also your baby will not experience lactose intolerance (this refers usually to an allergy to cow’s milk).

4. It is good for bonding. A mother and child develops a stronger bond when they breastfeed. They spend more time together thus providing the child a sense of security, comfort, and love.

5. It makes mommy sexy. Two benefits go to the mommy when she breast feeds.  First, she can get her pre-pregnancy abdomen quicker. As the mom breast feeds her uterus contracts and goes back to its normal size sooner than those who don’t.  The second benefit is breastfeeding can be a natural birth control.  It delays the return of the menstrual cycle which protects the mom from getting pregnant again (but this is not a guarantee, so still be careful!)

6. It is convenient.  There are no need of bottles that crowd the baby travel bag.  There is no need to carry along water and powdered milk (that makes the bag heavy). Also no sleepless nights for daddy in trying to mix formula into the bottle.  The mom is all that is needed!

7. It saves MONEY. Do you know how much a family saves if the mother breastfeeds?  The family can save in 2 years more than P200,000.00 !  This is the part of the class where the husbands mouth drops, and looks intently at their wives to encourage them to breast feed.  Then the Lactation consultant gives the wives a come back ” This is why you can demand from your husband vacations in exchange of the savings!”  Hahahha… that is true!

I am amazed at how God provides for us.  Naturally, breast milk is the BEST milk with all the benefits that other milk cannot completely provide.  This encouraged me to also breastfeed my son by God’s grace.  Now that I know, why would I not provide my child the very BEST?

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Genesis 49:25 (NLT)

May the God of your father help you;
    may the Almighty bless you
with the blessings of the heavens above,
    and blessings of the watery depths below,
    and blessings of the breasts and womb.

Sleep, where art thou?

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I can hardly believe that I’m actually alive with the sleep I’m getting. When my date of delivery was nearing, I read about new-born baby sleeping patterns. However, I don’t remember reading up what happens to the mother during this period. Either I missed it completely, or every mom was just too tired to write an account of what happens to them.

At 0 to 1 month, the baby just loves to sleep but would wake up in 2 hour intervals to drink milk. If you are a breastfeeding mom, like I am, then you would be feeding your baby every 1-3 hours round the clock! Just when you think you got your child satisfied and sleeping, and you heading for zzzz land, then that’s when you hear another cry for the baby’s next meal time.

This period I can guarantee that mothers are at their worse looks (eye bags and messy hair), worse moods (easily irritated and cranky) and worse source of normal intelligence (Hahaha! That’s what happened to me!). When my husband would ask me the simplest question, I could not give him an answer. I was too tired to think! I felt so sorry for him because at that stage of my 2-3 hour sleep a day routine, I was really too exhausted to do anything!

I have to thank God for His grace in sustaining me. I can really see why some women do fall into a postpartum depression after birth. You are physically tired and if you can’t soothe your crying baby, a mother can feel frustrated, unfit and discouraged. I know that apart from God, I can’t have the strength to go on with joy in this journey.

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My daily multivitamin to overcome these negative thoughts is prayer. Every time I try to rock my son to sleep, I call unto God to help me. When I feel so tired that I may not have enough milk supply, I declare God’s truth, “I am sufficient in Christ Jesus”. When I feel down, I am reminded to praise and thank God for the gift He has given me.

I am encouraged when mothers tell me, “Enjoy this time, enjoy your baby”. They are speaking from hindsight that this time shall soon pass. It is true, my baby seems to be changing and growing every day. I would not want to miss every milestone in his early life.

Definitely, this sleep-depriving, mind draining, and physically fatigued occupation as a parent is HARD. It can be so difficult because it requires sacrifice and commitment. In exchange there is joy to see your baby sound asleep, comforted, and growing.

I miss my sleep and wonder when I will get my 8 hour sleep schedule back… but for now, I’m going to take other moms advise — I’m going to enjoy this time and enjoy my baby!

Named with Significance

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     It was my friend Marlene Suarez of CBN Asia who one day asked me a question,    “Michelle, do you know the meaning of your name?”  I honestly have never checked the meaning of my name.  She then said, “your name is like a prophetic utterance to who you could be”.  Marlene pointed out to me, that my name has the name of God in it.  “EL” means God. So I took the liberty of looking at the meaning of my name.  It is of Hebrew decent and was derived from Michael, and it means… “One who resembles God”.

    I thought to myself… Wow, that is powerful!  The gist of that conversation stuck with me.  I have decided on naming my child and future children with an intention of a prophetic blessing over their life. 

      After the knowing the gender of our baby on the fifth month, my husband asked me what should we name our son?  For some reason I was drawn to the name Joshua.  I loved the account of his life in the bible.  He was a young brave warrior, obedient to his leader which happens to be Moses, and he saw things in a different perspective — with a godly pair of eyes.  He finally led the Israelites to the promised land and on the final account about his life it says, “Israel served the Lord all the days of Joshua and all the days of the elders who survived Joshua, and had known all the deeds of the Lord which He had done for Israel.” (Joshua 24:31).  His legacy was a generation that served the Lord even after his death.

    We would want to bring up our son to love and serve God just like Joshua did. We want his name to speak that blessing upon his life. Joshua literally means “God saves”.  It is a powerful reminder of the heart and character of God.

    Of course, we named our son a much longer name — because of the long wait for a child, our first son gets 3 names which may post as  a challenge on his future documents… hehehe…  But we chose these names with the intention to speak a blessing over his life 🙂

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God does move mountains!

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Initially, I was planning to deliver the baby in manila, so I saw my sister’s OB-GYNE when I was about 5 months pregnant. She looked through my medical history and decided its appropriate for me to get a Congenital Abnormality Scan (CAS). This scan is done via 3D or 4D ultrasound to see if the baby has any problems or is in the pink of health. It will be the time also that one would know the gender of the baby and to see a bit of the baby’s features. With lots of joy on this pregnancy I was excited to see my baby.

I asked my sister-in-law, Pria to join me for this momentous occasion. We were both giddy and excited to see the baby.

The scan is about 30 minutes long. The doctor shows us via screens in the room the baby in the uterus. My baby was moving, kicking, and responding to our voices! I was smiling from ear to ear. Then the doctor asks, “do you want to guess the gender?” … I said a quick prayer “Sana Lord, boy” … But whatever is the gender, I’d be happy. My prayer was granted, when the doctor revealed we are having a baby boy. Suddenly, I can hear Pria with tears in her eyes reporting via phone what we both could see to my husband… We were so elated!

After checking, my baby has complete fingers, complete toes, no cleft lip… Then the doctor became silent. She kept going back to the heart. Then she told me, “you need to see your doctor”. I asked her what she could see, and she refused to explain to me. In minutes she called another sonologist to come in our room, and she checked my tummy again… They both concurred that their findings was the same. I did not know what they saw, but I knew it was not normal.

Having our celebratory merienda at Landmark, i opened the results and the finding was a probable DEXTROCARDIA. I was not sure what it meant but cardia is definitely heart… I researched it and it meant that the heart was not pointing to the left and the possibility of other organs to be on the opposite side as well… As I told my husband who was at the province at that time, he worried so much and asked God, “Lord, why?” He was upset and he did not want me to be disappointed with this circumstance. I laughed and told him, “I am not worried, we are on God’s special lane, I know He will do something.”
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That night, I felt God assuring me He is in control. I talked to Pria and told her not to tell anyone because I believed God will do something about this. We kept it a secret until the prescribed 2D echo doppler has been done. The only thing is that procedure can only be done a month after. So it gave us a month to pray and practice faith. We entrusted this update to only a few friends who prayed with us.

I embraced this verse and declared it over my baby “Every good and perfect gift comes from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights who does not change like shifting shadows” (James 1:17). I kept saying out loud, my baby is a perfect gift from God, so he will be perfect! I surrendered, trusted and believed in this promise.

Sept 7, 2012 we got a schedule with the head of pediatric cardio in St. Luke’s global for a 2D echo doppler test. Dr Jonas del Rosario was very cool and made me and hubby relaxed. He was not going to say anything until he sees the heart of the baby. Holding hands, my husband and I prayed and thank God for this baby and the test. In about 20 minutes of scanning, he shows us.. “Look, his heart is pointing left, his valves are all normal, his stomach is on the left, your baby is normal.” Looking at the screen and seeing my baby’s heart beating, I smiled! All I could say was “thank you Jesus, thank you Doc, thank you Jesus!”

We experienced a miracle that day. God is in full control. Out loud, I would declare like a little kid, “I knew it! I knew that God would do something”. Indeed He has, and with increased joy, I believe God still moves mountains in this modern-day. He moved my son’s heart… He can move anything!

52 days

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Its been 52 days that I got my official badge that I’ve become a mom! I’ve got the c-section mark to prove it. Its been a long journey and a test of faith. God is so gracious and faithful to me and my husband… We have waited for 7 years for a child and now every time I gaze at my son, it is so surreal. We have become parents!

The faithful day was December 12, 2012. God gave us our healthy bundle of joy… We named him Joshua Ruben Emmanuel.  A reminder forever of the giver of this child…

God has answered our prayers! Out of this joy we received from God, I am wanting to start sharing the stories and insights of motherhood and parenting that God will be revealing. In this blog, I would hope to encourage and be encouraged.

So let the Mommyventures begin!

via 52 days.